Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Guest Blogger: Gordon Ramsay (!)

Wow. In something of a coup for Just Cook It, I’m delighted to launch a brand new feature with a very special guest indeed: none other than the star of Hell’s Kitchen, Hell’s Kitchen USA and numerous adverts: *** chef Gordon Ramsay.

Whilst clearing out the fridge the other day I came across what I thought was a shrivelled mushroom. ‘Hang on,’ said my girlfriend ‘let me take a closer look at that, I’m sure I recognise it from somewhere. It’s not…’

‘It is,’ I replied excitedly ‘it’s potty mouthed, walnut-faced superchef, Gordon Ramsay!’

‘’kin-ell,’ he said. ‘Call yourself a food blogger? F***ing disgrace. Two weeks I’ve been waiting here. Not even offered a menu. F***ing joke. At least get me a glass of water, I look like a f***ing prune.’

‘F***ing unbelievable. This guy. Doesn’t know what the f*** he’s doing. Supposed to be a professional writer, yes? Well then f***ing write something! Don’t leave me sitting here like a f***ing idiot. What you take me for? Some sort of f***ing w**ker?’

‘What’s all this Just Cook It b*llocks? You’ve got so much going on here that it’s all f***ing sh*t. Front of house are desperate for some f***ing leadership. Two chefs in the kitchen don’t know what the f**k they’re doing and a manager that smokes more than a f***ing smoking f***ing chimney. Always outside. F***ing disgrace.’

‘Grow some f***ing b*llocks, yes? You’re the owner, yes? Then f***ing tell them what to do! I’m wasted here. I don’t think even I can f***ing save this f***ing place.’

After much begging he promised to stay until the blog was fulfilling its potential. So now he watches from a vantage point, surveying the kitchen from high upon the windowsill.

The best f***ing motivation I’ve ever had.

For more from me (and Chef Ramsay) follow me on Twitter.


Simones Kitchen said...

O boy this just had me in laughing fits!! And yes, it does look a lot like Gordon Ramsay!!

Laura said...

Too funny! What is up with his face anyway?

jamie da vinci! said...

a nutty ramsay! OMG... that was just too funny! :)

Roving Lemon said...

Thanks for the laugh! Let us know when he comes up with some menu suggestions!

Carolyn Jung said...

Has the mushroom yet uttered, "You stupid, donkey!'' ;)

Katie said...

Brilliant post, I cant stop looking at that picture, it just makes me laugh!

Jessica604 said...

lol! I love this...I think I'll be looking for celebrity chefs / personalities in my produce now.

Hungry Gal said...

F'ing hilarious!
I have side stitch now from laughing so hard.

gastroanthropologist said...

Loved this post! It really does look like him...

Just Cook It said...

Thanks Junglefrog, had us giggling for a while too.

Laura - I'm not entirely sure. Maybe he is related to a walnut?

Jamie - thank you!

Roving Lemon - thanks, I'll keep you posted. He's been very quiet so far apart from the occasional curse, of course.

Carolyn - It said those very words last night!

Thanks Katie, glad it made you giggle.

Jessica - Ooo, yes, let me know if you find any

Hungry Gal - ha, thanks. I love it whne you laugh so hard it hurts.

Gastro - I know, uncanny isn't it?

Melissa said...

Ha ha!!

Cynthia said...

Hahahahaha. This makes me want to take a closer look at my rotting fridge food, to see what other famous people can be found. Great post!

Louis Anthony Woodbine said...

Hysterical! Will never look at a mushroom in the same way!